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Samy Velu on pos laju "BESOK KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI"

The one on TV when in trying to say he was ashamed, he said: `Kemaluan saya besar`

On drugs, "Jangan hisap dada"

Samy's favorite quote on national television "Toll naik sikit, manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini toll saya punya bapa punya kah!"

During the water shortage crisis : "semua orang diminta jangan membuang air!"

During the opening speech of various function: "...selamat datang saudara-mara semua.."

At an opening ceremony: "mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik ke pentas untuk membuka kain"

Commenting about his modesty: "sebenarnya, kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar"

Kemana tumpahnya kuah, kalau tidak ke bawah.

Tak lapuk dek hujan, tak lekang macam rambutan.

Tiada rotan, pelempang berguna juga.

Biar lambat, asalkan tak cepat.

Biar putih tulang, jangan kuning gigi.

Di mana ada gula, di situ adalah gula-gula.

Kalah jadi abu, menang jadi arang, seri jadi abu arang.

Carik-carik bulu ayam, lama-lama jadi shuttlecock.

Secupak takkan jadi 18 cupak.

Gajah mati meninggalkan gading, udang harimau mati meninggalkan kulit, manusia mati meninggal dunia.

Sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit, inikan pula makanan di dalam mulut.

Harapkan pagar, pagar tidak boleh diharap.

Alang-alang mandi, biar guna sabun.

Berapa berat mata memandang, berat lagi seguni beras.

Cubit paha kanan, paha kiri tak rasa apa-apa pun.

Diam-diam ubi berisi, diam-diam orang bisu.

Hidup segan, mati di tanam.

Ikut hati mati, ikut rasa merasa.

Lembu punya susu, cap teko dapat nama.

Sehari selambar benang, lama-lama benang habis.

Jika kail panjang sejengkal, beli yang panjang sikit kalau nak mengail di laut.

Hendak seribu daya, tak hendak tak apa.

Membujur lalu melintang pukang.

Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik hari tak hujan.

Sebab santan pulut binasa, sebab mulut habis pulut.

Kecil-kecil cili padi, kecil lagi biji cili.

Kalau sudi katakan sudi, kalau tak sudi boleh blah.

Kecil tapak tangan, tapak sulaiman saya tadahkan.

Siapa yang makan nangka dia yang dapat biji nangka.

Pucuk di cita Ismet Ulam Raja.(Ismet Ulam Raja is a role from 'Tiga Abdul' P Ramlee movie)

Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya tak dapat masuk olimpik juga.

Sesal dahulu pendapatan sesal kemudian cukai pendapatan.

Jauh di mata dekat di mata-mata.

Habis madu sepah jangan di buang merata-rata

Ayam terlepas, tangan berbau tahi ayam.

Berani kerana benar takut kerana penakut.

Hidung tak mancung, gigi macam kereta sorong.

Ikut resmi padi semakin berisi semakin banyak burung mari.

Kerbau dipegang pada talinya, manusia dipegang pada tangannya.

Patah tumbuh, hilang report polis.

Sambil menyelam tengok kapal selam.

Alang2 menyeluk pekasam, biar sampai jadi masam.

Paku dulang paku serpih, paku dinding pucuk paku.

Kalau takut dilambung ombak, jangan cuba nak naik bot.

Ibarat anjing menyalak bukit.

Ibarat ayam menunggu siang.

Ibarat anak dara menunggu tunang tak datang.

Hutan terbakar nampak asap, hati terbakar siapa tahu.

Malang tak berbau tapi kentut boleh berbau.

Biar korek hidung jangan korek tabung.

Pinggan tak retak nasi tak dingin, kalau orang tak hendak maknanya kita tak lawa.

Kalau kucing tak ada gigi, tikus berani melompat tinggi.

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"


2.You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. Oneof your friends goes up to her and pointing at you  says: "He's veryrich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"


3. You see agorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephonenumber. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me -That's Telemarketing"


4. You're at a party and seegorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to herand pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick upher bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way,I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"




5.You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you andsays:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's BrandRecognition"


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You goup to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nicehard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"


7. Yousee a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am veryrich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That'sdemand and supply gap"


8. You see a gorgeous girl at aparty. You go up to her and before you say anything, another personcome and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him- "That's competition eating into your market share"


9.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before yousay: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction forentering new markets"

He visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies.

He goes to library to find meaning of friends last words.

It is "You are standing on the oxygen tube!"